I attacked them. I had this...this bigger robot I could pilot. I managed to grab her mom and her best friend with it and I...I tried to crush them to death with it. I wanted her to hurt as much as I had. I wanted her to suffer losing everyone she ever cared about.
[There's so much loathing in his voice as he hunches himself into as small a form as possible, his tail curling around his ankles. ]
I was so stupid. Luckily, Rapunzel figured out how to use the black rocks to her advantage and managed to stop me before I could actually hurt anyone. I got taken down and went to jail for a year. Um...until I broke out.
[Varian's shoulders tense as Danny touches him, only for a moment, then they just kind of...slump.]
Thank you. I-I don't think I deserve that, but thank you anyway.
[He's pretty sure he doesn't deserve Danny's friendship, but it's clear he's getting it if he likes it or not. ]
Anyway it um- there's a little more. After I broke out I joined this group that wanted to destroy Corona. Their leader was my cellmate. They convinced me to help wipe the king and queen's memories and force the citizens into mining for this ore I needed. I was planning on wiping everyone's memories, just...literally removing my mistake. Rapunzel had been on a journey to understand the rocks better and her coming back meant they revealed they...they actually planned to use my alchemy to raze the city to the ground.
[He chews his lip, worried.]
I um...I couldn't do that, I couldn't let that happen. So I helped Rapunzel get on board the airship they- they were gonna throw my chemical out of. Andrew found us, tried to kill me and wrecked the ship. It was gonna go down and explode if we didn't get it properly in the air again. I...I offered to stay behind, to use my chemicals to get it elevated enough so that when it exploded, it wouldn't hurt anyone else. Just me. And I- it wasn't like anyone would have missed me. Not like Rapunzel. It made sense to me that it should have been me.
There were certain core traits that Danny possessed, no matter what universe he was in. Stubborn loyalty to his friends, an overprotective nature, and a complete inability to ignore a cry for help.
That story right there? That triggered almost all of them. And more than that. Just before this, Danny had been reading about his past self in the library. He'd meant to talk to Varian about it, since there had been a Lot to unpack there. And well, there was one part, that Danny hadn't been able to bring himself to talk or even think about.
And the memory slams into him, filling in what the book had only hinted at. A future path, the deaths of his family and friends, the despair and pain that led to begging to have his humanity removed, because he couldn't bear to keep going with the guilt and loneliness. The day his ghost half had become a monster of grief and rage, and the fate of his human half was lost. Some things, the old man had told him, are better left unsaid.
Danny breaks out of the memory, and ruthlessly shoves it down. This was not the time. He had to worry about his friend. He could take some time to have a breakdown over all of THAT later.
He shifts anxiously with worry and overprotective concern over his friend, and tightens his grip on his shoulder.
"You don't still feel like that, right? You know there's lots of people here who would miss you?"
Varian might have just gained himself a ghost guardian for the next few months.
Varian's inadvertently triggered enough of Danny's memories to recognise when it's happening by now. His brow pinches together in worry when he noticed it. He's scared to think what of his sorry tale would have brought a memory of his friend's past life to his mind. He opens his mouth to ask when Danny asks him that question.
"No, I-" he pauses, because it was only a few months since he tried to race into the dinosaur park by himself to fix his portal mistake and Danny deserves more than a lie, he sucks in a breath. "I mean- most of the time I don't. It still...trips me up sometimes. Like with the portal. But- but I'm trying to get better at remembering that."
Because he does have people here who care about him. It's made a difference.
"It's better at home, too. I mean- I got dad back. And-" well, he doesn't have his father here, and that hurts a lot. "And I know I have so many people here who care about me, and I-I'm grateful for it. I just... I don't like myself very much, and I guess I'm still getting used to the fact people like me even if I don't...really feel like I deserve it sometimes."
Danny recognized the look on Varian's face, and was relieved when the conversation moved on before the question could be asked. Because... no. Just no. There was no way he could share any of what he had just remembered, not with what they were talking about right now. Not when the pain of the memory was this new.
He frowns worriedly. "If you ever run into something like the portal again, and feel like running off, just tell me? I'll come along." A slightly awkward smile. "I'm fairly sure I can survive stuff like that now, you know? Or at least it won't hurt me as much as other people."
Varian definitely puts a mental into that particular conversation. It's one they can cover again, once they've had a little recovery time for this one. He will not forget this, Danny.
He offers his friend a smile. It doesn't quite reach his eyes and there's a tiredness to the edges of it. He never likes recounting this particular story, it feels like it's disturbing the past like silt on a riverbed, muddying up the water. Still, uncomfortable as it makes him, he's glad he did it- Danny having his back really does mean the world, self-loathing aside.
"Thanks, Danny. I'll- I'll do that," he rubs the back of his neck. "Having back up in dangerous situations would prooobably be a better idea than racing in there by myself, huh?"
"Just a bit," Danny says with a slightly guilty smile. He hadn't exactly been doing great at keeping his own promises to not rush into danger. "At least that way at least one of us will be able to go for help if it goes wrong."
"Yeah, Danny. It- it really helped a lot. It feels...I dunno. Better? Being able to tell you."
Because he does trust Danny, an awful lot. Being able to entrust him with this has taken a weight off. He manages a smile.
"Nah, that's not terrible. It's...I don't trust a lot of people, obviously," because if that story didn't show why, nothing would. "But I do trust you. You're one of my best friends here. I... I wanted you to know. Especially after how much you've had my corner. You deserved to know."
Danny snorts. "With a story like that? I don't blame you."
And he can't help but smile warmly at that. He hadn't said much about it himself... but he really treasured Varian's friendship. He'd never been able to make friends easily, and he'd never had many.
"Don't forget, you've had my back too," Danny says stubbornly. "It... really helped, you know. That you tried to help me when I was freaking out about all this ghost stuff."
"The thing is... I don't think a lot of people would have done that. You could have just told me to figure stuff out on my own, but you didn't." Danny trails off on a tangent. "I wonder if not being sure whether you died or not counts as an existential crisis? Or just being really confused."
He shakes it off and claps his hands.
"Anyway I think that's enough of all that for today. Want to go do something dumb to get our minds off stuff?"
"...Oh," his tone suggests he never considered that at all, even for a second. "I'm pretty sure it counted as a pretty big existential crisis. I definitely wouldn't have left you deal with that alone."
Still, he welcomes the subject change a lot. Talking about his past is a heavy one and he's glad to move on. He stands up, smiling gratefully.
Danny gladly goes along with the change of conversation. Not least because between learning about how hurt one of his best friends had been and getting a glimpse into what his life could be, what he could be capable of... He had a lot to unpack. But later. Much later.
"I've got a stockpile of video games, if you want. Or we could go out somewhere and do something."
Friendship beats treason!!! Varian heads over them to squint at titles which mean...literally nothing to him. He cants his head.
"Uhhh are any like...action stories? Or- um. Action...games, I guess? I'm still not quite sure how the genres work here. They're different from books."
Yes, Varian. Video games are in fact different from books.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-10-11 12:42 am (UTC)And? What happened?
[How could it get worse than that? ]
no subject
Date: 2022-10-11 11:36 pm (UTC)I attacked them. I had this...this bigger robot I could pilot. I managed to grab her mom and her best friend with it and I...I tried to crush them to death with it. I wanted her to hurt as much as I had. I wanted her to suffer losing everyone she ever cared about.
[There's so much loathing in his voice as he hunches himself into as small a form as possible, his tail curling around his ankles. ]
I was so stupid. Luckily, Rapunzel figured out how to use the black rocks to her advantage and managed to stop me before I could actually hurt anyone. I got taken down and went to jail for a year. Um...until I broke out.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-11 11:57 pm (UTC)[ Danny does reach out to him now, putting a hand on his shoulder. He is silent for a moment as he tries to figure out what to say.]
I think I understand a little better now what you were saying. But... this doesn't change that we're friends, okay?
tw: sucicidal intention
Date: 2022-10-12 01:20 am (UTC)Thank you. I-I don't think I deserve that, but thank you anyway.
[He's pretty sure he doesn't deserve Danny's friendship, but it's clear he's getting it if he likes it or not. ]
Anyway it um- there's a little more. After I broke out I joined this group that wanted to destroy Corona. Their leader was my cellmate. They convinced me to help wipe the king and queen's memories and force the citizens into mining for this ore I needed. I was planning on wiping everyone's memories, just...literally removing my mistake. Rapunzel had been on a journey to understand the rocks better and her coming back meant they revealed they...they actually planned to use my alchemy to raze the city to the ground.
[He chews his lip, worried.]
I um...I couldn't do that, I couldn't let that happen. So I helped Rapunzel get on board the airship they- they were gonna throw my chemical out of. Andrew found us, tried to kill me and wrecked the ship. It was gonna go down and explode if we didn't get it properly in the air again. I...I offered to stay behind, to use my chemicals to get it elevated enough so that when it exploded, it wouldn't hurt anyone else. Just me. And I- it wasn't like anyone would have missed me. Not like Rapunzel. It made sense to me that it should have been me.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-12 09:44 pm (UTC)That story right there? That triggered almost all of them. And more than that. Just before this, Danny had been reading about his past self in the library. He'd meant to talk to Varian about it, since there had been a Lot to unpack there. And well, there was one part, that Danny hadn't been able to bring himself to talk or even think about.
And the memory slams into him, filling in what the book had only hinted at. A future path, the deaths of his family and friends, the despair and pain that led to begging to have his humanity removed, because he couldn't bear to keep going with the guilt and loneliness. The day his ghost half had become a monster of grief and rage, and the fate of his human half was lost. Some things, the old man had told him, are better left unsaid.
Danny breaks out of the memory, and ruthlessly shoves it down. This was not the time. He had to worry about his friend. He could take some time to have a breakdown over all of THAT later.
He shifts anxiously with worry and overprotective concern over his friend, and tightens his grip on his shoulder.
"You don't still feel like that, right? You know there's lots of people here who would miss you?"
Varian might have just gained himself a ghost guardian for the next few months.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-13 09:43 pm (UTC)"No, I-" he pauses, because it was only a few months since he tried to race into the dinosaur park by himself to fix his portal mistake and Danny deserves more than a lie, he sucks in a breath. "I mean- most of the time I don't. It still...trips me up sometimes. Like with the portal. But- but I'm trying to get better at remembering that."
Because he does have people here who care about him. It's made a difference.
"It's better at home, too. I mean- I got dad back. And-" well, he doesn't have his father here, and that hurts a lot. "And I know I have so many people here who care about me, and I-I'm grateful for it. I just... I don't like myself very much, and I guess I'm still getting used to the fact people like me even if I don't...really feel like I deserve it sometimes."
no subject
Date: 2022-10-14 01:54 am (UTC)He frowns worriedly. "If you ever run into something like the portal again, and feel like running off, just tell me? I'll come along." A slightly awkward smile. "I'm fairly sure I can survive stuff like that now, you know? Or at least it won't hurt me as much as other people."
And worry continues to grow.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-15 04:51 pm (UTC)He offers his friend a smile. It doesn't quite reach his eyes and there's a tiredness to the edges of it. He never likes recounting this particular story, it feels like it's disturbing the past like silt on a riverbed, muddying up the water. Still, uncomfortable as it makes him, he's glad he did it- Danny having his back really does mean the world, self-loathing aside.
"Thanks, Danny. I'll- I'll do that," he rubs the back of his neck. "Having back up in dangerous situations would prooobably be a better idea than racing in there by myself, huh?"
no subject
Date: 2022-10-15 09:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-16 09:14 pm (UTC)And also means that one of them is less likely to end up recklessly getting themselves killed. That too.
"Thanks. I um...I appreciate it," he clears his throat. "And uh...listening. I know it was a lot."
no subject
Date: 2022-10-18 01:11 am (UTC)"As long as it helps. It did help, right?" He knew that Varian had been having a rough time of it lately.
"And... is it a little terrible to feel glad that you trusted me that much?"
Because he knew that that that couldn't have been easy to say. Any of it.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-18 10:20 pm (UTC)Because he does trust Danny, an awful lot. Being able to entrust him with this has taken a weight off. He manages a smile.
"Nah, that's not terrible. It's...I don't trust a lot of people, obviously," because if that story didn't show why, nothing would. "But I do trust you. You're one of my best friends here. I... I wanted you to know. Especially after how much you've had my corner. You deserved to know."
no subject
Date: 2022-10-19 12:59 am (UTC)And he can't help but smile warmly at that. He hadn't said much about it himself... but he really treasured Varian's friendship. He'd never been able to make friends easily, and he'd never had many.
"Don't forget, you've had my back too," Danny says stubbornly. "It... really helped, you know. That you tried to help me when I was freaking out about all this ghost stuff."
no subject
Date: 2022-10-20 09:43 pm (UTC)He's been through a lot, he's put other people through a lot. It's just a whole lot of a lot.
"Yeah, well. You needed my help. I wouldn't have let you suffer if I could have helped you in any way."
no subject
Date: 2022-10-21 12:33 am (UTC)He shakes it off and claps his hands.
"Anyway I think that's enough of all that for today. Want to go do something dumb to get our minds off stuff?"
no subject
Date: 2022-10-22 04:07 pm (UTC)Still, he welcomes the subject change a lot. Talking about his past is a heavy one and he's glad to move on. He stands up, smiling gratefully.
"Yes, please. Literally anything than this."
no subject
Date: 2022-10-22 04:33 pm (UTC)"I've got a stockpile of video games, if you want. Or we could go out somewhere and do something."
no subject
Date: 2022-10-23 09:04 pm (UTC)"I'd love to try some videogames! I'm still trying to figure those out."
no subject
Date: 2022-10-24 08:47 pm (UTC)"Cool! I've got some I've been meaning to try."
Danny jumps off the couch and goes over to open a cabinet by the television.
"Any of these look interesting?"
no subject
Date: 2022-10-24 10:43 pm (UTC)"Uhhh are any like...action stories? Or- um. Action...games, I guess? I'm still not quite sure how the genres work here. They're different from books."
Yes, Varian. Video games are in fact different from books.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-24 10:48 pm (UTC)"Maybe one of these? Hey, this one's two player! And its an action story. With pirates. That could be a good one to start with."
no subject
Date: 2022-10-26 09:09 pm (UTC)"Okay! Pirates are cool! And that sounds like fun, especially if we can play together."
Danny is absolutely gonna beat his ass at this until he gets the hang of it. Enjoy being ahead of him on the learning curve for a lil' while, Buddy.