schrodingersghost

[Danny maintains that taking responsibility for his part in that was the right thing to do. so good luck convincing him otherwise. In response to Varian's comment on that he simply grins at him, faintly smug.]

If its something that happened at home, does it really matter? The only thing you did here was try to get home, right?

[And regardless, Varian hadn't done anything to Danny. (Apart from all the explosions.]

Of course, it matters! [Does he sound a little panicked about this? He sure does!] It still happened. It-it still makes a part of me. It...it wouldn't be fair to the people I've hurt to just...ignore that.

[Because boy, has he tried that and it failed miserably. He exhales slowly. ]

It just...it's really important, trust me.

[Danny still didn't think it could possibly be as bad as Varian was making it out to be. But...]

Well, if you really think its that important, I'll listen.

Okay. Thank you.

[He lets out a slow breath. Okay.]

I don't know if you met Rapunzel and Cassandra while they were here. They...they're from my world. Rapunzel is the princess of my Kingdom. Her hair was magical once and she came to me for help for it once...she thought I was a wizard.

[Ha ha, so incorrect.]

Anyway, Rapunzel's powers were linked to a magical artefact called the sundrop. It had a partner artefact called the moonstone. Due to some...complicated magical issues, the moonstone was seeking out the sundrop. It was creating these huge, unbreakable jagged rocks which were slowly cutting through the kingdom to find her. They started to destroy my village. Dad told me to leave them alone, but I wanted to help. So I started...experimenting on them.

[Danny listens intently, trying to understand what Varian was trying to say. All this stuff about magic and artifacts and suns and moons was new to him, but he thought he was following along.

And then he puts together what he knows about Varian and experiments, and he starts to worry. ]

And I'm guessing that didn't go well?

[It's such a complicated mess and he knows it's near-nonsensical at times. Hell, HE can't make sense of half the magic in his world. ]

No. It didn't. [He swallows down a lump in his throat, trying to ease his breathing. ] I managed to make a chemical compound to use on the rocks, but they went wrong. I- they reacted in a way I didn't expect. It turned into this unbreakable amber. I nearly got caught in it, but...Dad pushed me out of the way and he got stuck in it instead.

[And it was terrifying, and heartbreaking- an image that still wrenches him from sleep well over two years down the line.]

I ran to the city- to Rapunzel. She'd promised me she'd help me and I was desperate to call that in. But the kingdom was facing a blizzard that was...a whole other magical thing. She couldn't help me and the guards threw me out because they thought I was attacking her. I...by the time I got back home, Dad was already completely encased. I...I didn't even know if he was still alive.

[And it had damn near destroyed him, and it's clear in his tone it did, his shoulders hunching. ]

[Scratch that. Danny was now very worried about Varian. He makes an half-hearted gesture to reach out to him, but wasn't sure if it would be welcomed/]

Varian... Your Dad's okay now, right?

[He sure doesn't make any moves to push Danny away- as miserable as he looks.]

He is now, yeah, but it's- it took a while to get there. I um-

[He sucks in a breath.]

I knew that the item that gave Rapunzel her power was a magical flower. I'd heard rumours it still existed and I thought maybe I could use it to help him, if the princess wouldn't. So I...um, I drugged the guards with a truth serum I'd invented to find the location of it. Once I found it, I convinced Rapunzel to help me steal it, even knowing it was treason she helped me. When we found the flower, I took it and left her to take the fall.

[She'd helped him, and he'd spat in her face for it.]

[Okay, that sounded kind of bad. And also super worrying, because it sounded like Varian had been dealing with all of this by himself.]

Did you fix it later?

[Because he remembered Varian talking about Rapunzel, and it sure sounded like they were still good friends. ]

[He shakes his head, shoulders hunching.]

No. After all that, it didn't work. I realised all the power was in her. But I knew she wouldn't just...help me after that. So I...took drastic action. I um- I mutated Ruddiger with this...serum, it turned him into a monster. I set him on the castle. While he was attacking the guards and keeping everyone busy I kidnapped the queen.

[There's no pride in his voice, in fact the overpowering emotion is disgust, turned very much inward.]

I thought she would come to rescue her mother, if nothing else.

[Danny frowns worriedly at his friend.]

....Varian.

[He stops. Because that was bad... and Varian obviously regretted it. But what could he even say about it.]

Wasn't there any other way? Was anyone helping you?

[Because if there was one thing he had learned about his friend in the last few months, it was that he shouldn't be left to deal with things alone. ]

[He shakes his head, shoulders hunched.]

No. No one wanted to help me. No one ever came to check on me, I just- I realised I was on my own and I made really bad choices because of that.

[Hindsight is both a wonderful and a terrible thing, it turns out. But Danny is absolutely right. A frustrated and upset Varian left on his own is not safe for anyone. He is not the best at making good judgement calls.]

I um- I'd made this...automaton army to deal with what was left of the guard and the citizens who'd come to help. I managed to get the jump on Rapunzel and the king- I- I used the amber solution near her mother to force her to help me. It might have killed her at that point but I just didn't care. [He's been so callous about the threat to people's lives and it just got worse from then.] It didn't work. It hurt her a lot, but it still didn't break the amber. She and her family escaped and I- I guess whatever was left in me just snapped. Or snapped worse.

[ As the story went on, Danny got more and more worried. ]

And? What happened?

[How could it get worse than that? ]

[So much worse it turns out.]

I attacked them. I had this...this bigger robot I could pilot. I managed to grab her mom and her best friend with it and I...I tried to crush them to death with it. I wanted her to hurt as much as I had. I wanted her to suffer losing everyone she ever cared about.

[There's so much loathing in his voice as he hunches himself into as small a form as possible, his tail curling around his ankles. ]

I was so stupid. Luckily, Rapunzel figured out how to use the black rocks to her advantage and managed to stop me before I could actually hurt anyone. I got taken down and went to jail for a year. Um...until I broke out.

...Varian.

[ Danny does reach out to him now, putting a hand on his shoulder. He is silent for a moment as he tries to figure out what to say.]

I think I understand a little better now what you were saying. But... this doesn't change that we're friends, okay?

[Varian's shoulders tense as Danny touches him, only for a moment, then they just kind of...slump.]

Thank you. I-I don't think I deserve that, but thank you anyway.

[He's pretty sure he doesn't deserve Danny's friendship, but it's clear he's getting it if he likes it or not. ]

Anyway it um- there's a little more. After I broke out I joined this group that wanted to destroy Corona. Their leader was my cellmate. They convinced me to help wipe the king and queen's memories and force the citizens into mining for this ore I needed. I was planning on wiping everyone's memories, just...literally removing my mistake. Rapunzel had been on a journey to understand the rocks better and her coming back meant they revealed they...they actually planned to use my alchemy to raze the city to the ground.

[He chews his lip, worried.]

I um...I couldn't do that, I couldn't let that happen. So I helped Rapunzel get on board the airship they- they were gonna throw my chemical out of. Andrew found us, tried to kill me and wrecked the ship. It was gonna go down and explode if we didn't get it properly in the air again. I...I offered to stay behind, to use my chemicals to get it elevated enough so that when it exploded, it wouldn't hurt anyone else. Just me. And I- it wasn't like anyone would have missed me. Not like Rapunzel. It made sense to me that it should have been me.

There were certain core traits that Danny possessed, no matter what universe he was in. Stubborn loyalty to his friends, an overprotective nature, and a complete inability to ignore a cry for help.

That story right there? That triggered almost all of them. And more than that. Just before this, Danny had been reading about his past self in the library. He'd meant to talk to Varian about it, since there had been a Lot to unpack there. And well, there was one part, that Danny hadn't been able to bring himself to talk or even think about.

And the memory slams into him, filling in what the book had only hinted at. A future path, the deaths of his family and friends, the despair and pain that led to begging to have his humanity removed, because he couldn't bear to keep going with the guilt and loneliness. The day his ghost half had become a monster of grief and rage, and the fate of his human half was lost. Some things, the old man had told him, are better left unsaid.

Danny breaks out of the memory, and ruthlessly shoves it down. This was not the time. He had to worry about his friend. He could take some time to have a breakdown over all of THAT later.

He shifts anxiously with worry and overprotective concern over his friend, and tightens his grip on his shoulder.

"You don't still feel like that, right? You know there's lots of people here who would miss you?"

Varian might have just gained himself a ghost guardian for the next few months.

Edited 2022-10-12 21:57 (UTC)

Varian's inadvertently triggered enough of Danny's memories to recognise when it's happening by now. His brow pinches together in worry when he noticed it. He's scared to think what of his sorry tale would have brought a memory of his friend's past life to his mind. He opens his mouth to ask when Danny asks him that question.

"No, I-" he pauses, because it was only a few months since he tried to race into the dinosaur park by himself to fix his portal mistake and Danny deserves more than a lie, he sucks in a breath. "I mean- most of the time I don't. It still...trips me up sometimes. Like with the portal. But- but I'm trying to get better at remembering that."

Because he does have people here who care about him. It's made a difference.

"It's better at home, too. I mean- I got dad back. And-" well, he doesn't have his father here, and that hurts a lot. "And I know I have so many people here who care about me, and I-I'm grateful for it. I just... I don't like myself very much, and I guess I'm still getting used to the fact people like me even if I don't...really feel like I deserve it sometimes."

Danny recognized the look on Varian's face, and was relieved when the conversation moved on before the question could be asked. Because... no. Just no. There was no way he could share any of what he had just remembered, not with what they were talking about right now. Not when the pain of the memory was this new.

He frowns worriedly. "If you ever run into something like the portal again, and feel like running off, just tell me? I'll come along." A slightly awkward smile. "I'm fairly sure I can survive stuff like that now, you know? Or at least it won't hurt me as much as other people."

And worry continues to grow.

Varian definitely puts a mental into that particular conversation. It's one they can cover again, once they've had a little recovery time for this one. He will not forget this, Danny.

He offers his friend a smile. It doesn't quite reach his eyes and there's a tiredness to the edges of it. He never likes recounting this particular story, it feels like it's disturbing the past like silt on a riverbed, muddying up the water. Still, uncomfortable as it makes him, he's glad he did it- Danny having his back really does mean the world, self-loathing aside.

"Thanks, Danny. I'll- I'll do that," he rubs the back of his neck. "Having back up in dangerous situations would prooobably be a better idea than racing in there by myself, huh?"

"Just a bit," Danny says with a slightly guilty smile. He hadn't exactly been doing great at keeping his own promises to not rush into danger. "At least that way at least one of us will be able to go for help if it goes wrong."

"That's true! It's a...pretty good backup idea."

And also means that one of them is less likely to end up recklessly getting themselves killed. That too.

"Thanks. I um...I appreciate it," he clears his throat. "And uh...listening. I know it was a lot."

There was still a lot of concern in Danny's expression as he looks at his friend.

"As long as it helps. It did help, right?" He knew that Varian had been having a rough time of it lately.

"And... is it a little terrible to feel glad that you trusted me that much?"

Because he knew that that that couldn't have been easy to say. Any of it.

"Yeah, Danny. It- it really helped a lot. It feels...I dunno. Better? Being able to tell you."

Because he does trust Danny, an awful lot. Being able to entrust him with this has taken a weight off. He manages a smile.

"Nah, that's not terrible. It's...I don't trust a lot of people, obviously," because if that story didn't show why, nothing would. "But I do trust you. You're one of my best friends here. I... I wanted you to know. Especially after how much you've had my corner. You deserved to know."

Danny snorts. "With a story like that? I don't blame you."

And he can't help but smile warmly at that. He hadn't said much about it himself... but he really treasured Varian's friendship. He'd never been able to make friends easily, and he'd never had many.

"Don't forget, you've had my back too," Danny says stubbornly. "It... really helped, you know. That you tried to help me when I was freaking out about all this ghost stuff."

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